Happy Summer! Here in middle Tennessee, the Summer Solstice--the longest day of the year--opened up #PittaSeasonOfficial on Sunday 06/20, so now is a great time to start integrating seasonal self-care practices to stay cool & calm, and to elevate the illuminating quality of sattva into the naturally rajasik quality of the fire element in order to stay focused and level headed throughout all of your summer adventures. Some of my favorite summer activities are going for evening walks, full moon gazing, relaxing under the shade in my hammock while reading a good book, going for early morning jogs, open-water swimming wherever life takes me at least once weekly and hiking out to waterfalls.
This month I'd like to take a few paragraphs to contemplate the concept of foundation, or "home." Recently I had the proverbial "light" shinned on one of my limitations in awareness: what really comprises my perception of foundation. See, what had happened was....
Recently my landlord asked me & my partner to move out of the house I've called "home" for the last 4 1/2 years. Truth-be-told, I don't think this place started of as home but it has certainly become my home over time. Just for frame-of-reference, this is actually the longest I've lived in any single property for longer that 2-3 years since first moving out of my family home when I was 21--I'm currently 37 for a couple more months.
For further frame of reference, this also isn't the first time--or the second time--I've been forced to move out of a property for reasons out of my control. However, this time it has been a hard reality to accept and since receiving the news a few days ago I've been swimming through the choppy waves of an emotional tempest--crying to my partner, talking to legal aid, feeling angry & resentful, getting really bad sleep, screaming at one of the dining room walls, losing my appetite, wanting to burn the place down, feeling absolutely exhausted, and other dysfunctional internal & external drama cycles influenced by the waves of citta vrtti.
All these dynamic emotional waves were fed by a constant current of feeling deeply ungrounded; it manifested in its own more subtle but just as powerful waves, such as feeling a loss of agency/ autonomy/ self-determination, feeling physically as though I was slightly floating out of my body, feeling as though I have nowhere to land, having an inability to focus on any simple task at hand, feeling confused & disoriented, being easily overwhelmed and/or angered, mourning the loss my "foundation," experiencing a disconnection from my "home."
So, if this place isn't my home, then where is my home? Where do "I" live? Where do I land? Where can I surrender?
Talking to my partner about these feelings, he responded with something that served as a deep reminder: "home" isn't something external from me. The foundational substance of myself isn't actually connected to a physical structure because the real "home" is in my true Self--the Divine Self. The real home is always residing within, and by shifting awareness from the external to the internal, what first tastes like poison transmutes to nectar. For me, this brought a deep sense of clarity, calmness & stillness to the emotional storm I was experiencing. My home is still here. My foundation is still grounded. I don't have to be the ultimate cause of my suffering. I'm at home in the HEART of Divine Love. This means true Self is my sanctuary, my agency, my independence, my will, my bliss and my liberation.
There are so many concepts of yogic philosophy that I'd love to write about, but this is a time for me to turn my attention inward, and reflect on what wisdom will transmute from this personal yet very universal experience; I'd like give you time & space to reflect with your own wisdom & awareness. Furthermore, the physical reality of my circumstances haven't changed, so I'm going to take the rest of my summer looking for & moving into a new place to represent home and not cause further suffering or harm to myself or others.
My website is updated with everything I have going on for the next 2 months, and I have some auto emails scheduled to remind you all of these sweet events & workshop. However, I'm going to take a pause on any new private clients or students until after early Autumn. Have a safe and enjoyable summer, and I look forward to being present with everyone again soon <3
ॐ शान्तिः शान्तिः शान्तिः